Cant help but go through the personals??

My husband and I are separate and have been now for about two weeks. He was verbally and a little physically abusive towards me and I was the one who left him. We are going through counseling and he is trying his best to save our marriage. I still have my doubts but I am giving it a shot since do love him. I dont know why i find myself looking through the personals though?? I need time to heal if this does go bad and realize this and do wnat it to work out, so why do i do it??